Somebody at the park last week asked me, very casually, whether the twins were potty trained yet. Theo and June are 23 months old. I laughed so hard I snorted.
But it did get me thinking, because the question has started coming up more. My mother-in-law mentioned on a video call that Dan was out of diapers "before two," which I have my doubts about. And daycare sent home a little flyer about their potty-learning approach for the older toddler room. So I figured I'd write down where we are, mostly so I can look back at it later and laugh.
Short version: we are not potty training. We are potty talking. There's a difference, and it's taken some pressure off.
Why we're not starting yet
When I asked our pediatrician about it at the last well visit, she said most kids aren't ready until somewhere between two and three, and some later, and that starting before a kid is ready tends to just make the whole thing take longer. She told us to watch for signs and not to worry about any deadline. That was the whole conversation, and honestly it was what I needed to hear. (Please ask your own pediatrician. I'm just a mom repeating what ours said.)
Also, and I say this with love: I do not have the capacity right now to potty train two toddlers at once. The idea of doing it while working three days a week and juggling daycare gives me a mild headache. We'll get there. Not in March.
The early signs we're noticing
This is where it gets interesting, because the twins are, of course, completely different.
June has started telling us when she's wet. She'll pull at her diaper and say "uh-oh" in a very disapproving voice, like the diaper has personally let her down. She also hides behind the armchair when she's going, which I'm told is a classic sign of awareness. She's very interested in following me into the bathroom, which, sure, privacy was never really mine anyway.
Theo could not care less. He will happily sit in a full diaper while building a block tower and refuse to stop for a change. He does love the flush, though. He'll flush and wave "bye-bye" to it with great ceremony. I'm counting that as progress.
Some other things we're watching for, based on what I've read and what daycare mentioned:
- Staying dry for two hours or so at a time
- Waking up dry from naps
- Being able to pull pants up and down (we're nowhere close)
- Following simple two-step directions
- Showing interest in what grown-ups do in the bathroom
June checks maybe two of those boxes. Theo checks one, generously.
What "potty talk" looks like at our house
Nothing formal. Just folding it into the day:
- Naming things. When I change a diaper, I say "you went pee" or "that's poop" in a totally neutral voice. No "ew, stinky." I'm trying really hard with that one.
- Books. We got two toddler potty books from the library. June asks for one of them every night. Theo mostly wants the page with the dog.
- One small potty. We bought one basic floor potty for about $15 and put it in the bathroom. They sit on it with clothes on, like a chair. Nobody has used it for its actual purpose. That's fine.
- Letting them watch. Dan and I have mostly given up on closing the door anyway.
What we're deliberately not doing
No sticker charts yet. No candy rewards. No timer. No three-day bootcamp weekend. I've heard plenty of people swear by those methods, and I'm sure we'll try some version of something when the time comes. But right now I want the potty to feel boring and normal, not like a test they can fail.
I'm also not going to try to train them on the same day just because they're twins. I suspect June will be ready months before Theo, and I'm okay with that. They didn't walk on the same day either.
The plan, loosely
We'll keep talking about it through the spring and see where June is by early summer. Summer is appealing because it's warm and they can run around the backyard in just a T-shirt, which cuts down on laundry. Daycare says they'll follow our lead and keep things consistent.
If you're in the same spot, feeling like everyone else's kid is already in underwear, I promise you they're not. Or if they are, good for them. We'll be over here, waving bye-bye to the flush.
